Month: May 2004

Perfect Day

Posted on by Dana

Sarah and I spent the whole day together, just the two of us. We had been planning to go to the Renaissance Festival for some time. When I woke up, Sarah was already dressed and ready to go, simply waiting for me to get up. She asked me for what must have been the tenth time if I had purchased the tickets. I ran a load of dishes in the dishwasher, got dressed, and we left.

We had breakfast at Burger King on the way. When we arrived, the faire had only been open for about 15 or 20 minutes. We were busy all day. We didn’t really eat a whole lot — there was much to do and see. Sarah seemed to want to try everything, and I let her. She made a candle. She tried this bungee thing. She slid down this huge slide. She dragged me into a maze. We watched a hilarious parody of Macbeth, which she loved. She got her hair braided. She said that was her favorite part. We watched a joust, comedy swordfighting by Hack and Slash, and the Lost Boys — the renaissance rock and roll band. I bought some herbs for homemade first aid ointments I plan to try to make. I bought some earrings. I really couldn’t even go look at the hair sticks, because I love them — but I plan to cut my hair too short to be able to wear them. I didn’t want to be tempted. We had tea and scones.

It threatened to rain in the morning and early afternoon — it sprinkled a little. The cloud cover actually helped keep things cool. It didn’t get hot until late afternoon.

We capped off the evening with a mother-daughter only dinner at The Melting Pot. Cheese fondue, salad, and chocolate fondue. Sarah loved it. Not only was it fun, but it also tasted great.

She said it was the perfect day.

Sometimes I feel like I don’t give her a whole lot as a mother. We live paycheck to paycheck. This visit to the Ren Fest was brought to us by Uncle Sam’s tax return savings for dummies program. Her brother and sister demand a lot of my time because they are so little. She very rarely has me all to herself. That sort of fun is usually the kind of thing she associates with being with her father. I have the feeling she’ll remember today for a long time, if not always, and I am so happy I was able to give it to her.

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Finished

Posted on by Dana

Well, post-planning is over. I still haven’t received a straight answer about why I didn’t get the job I thought I had. I get the distinct feeling I’m being ignored, which of course makes me wonder about some things.

That said, I had a grueling interview with the principal of a private Jewish high school yesterday. It lasted for 2 hours and 45 minutes. It looks as though I am being seriously considered, along with one other person. She seemed very positive — she noted I should have received professional development credit for writing my Beowulf teacher’s guide. I had never thought about that before. Hmm. She liked a lot of the things I said and showed her — student work I’d graded, writing assignment ideas, my two teacher publications. I think it would be a rewarding place to work. And I should probably hear from her early next week. So. There’s that.

I’m very glad to be finished with school. I feel very tired. This worrying about the job search is too much. I’m trying to just do what I need to do and not fret so much. It’s hard.

Tomorrow I have errands to run. Saturday, Sarah and I are going to the Georgia Renaissance Festival. Sunday, I’m resting. I hope.

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Seventies Super Set

Posted on by Dana

Woot! We got more server space. I have been working on this set list for some time in anticipation of this momentous occasion. I am a big fan of 70s rock, and I have put together for your listening enjoyment, a mix tape’s worth of my favorite songs from the 70s. I hope you enjoy them. I’ll have to leave them up for a while, since there are so many favorites here.

Here is the set list, complete with album details and my editorial comments:

  1. “Here Comes My Girl” — Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. This song originally appeared on my favorite Tom Petty album, Damn the Torpedoes. Originally released in 1979, Tom Petty’s third album is rightfully an Amazon.com Essential Recording.
  2. “Behind Blue Eyes” — The Who. I heard Limp Bizkit’s cover of this song the other day, and it simply can’t hold a candle to the original. The drummer doesn’t have near the chops that Keith Moon had (but few do, I suppose). This one comes from Who’s Next, another Amazon.com Essential Recording, which, according to Genevieve Williams (of Amazon) is “one of the defining albums of 70s hard rock.” It was released about a month before I was born, in August 1971.
  3. “Lola” — The Kinks. Released in November 1970, this one comes from Lola versus Powerman and the Money-Go-Round, Part One. It’s another Amazon.com Essential Recording. Steven Stolder at Amazon refers to “Lola” as the album’s “linchpin,” and I can’t disagree at all.
  4. “Jeepster” — T. Rex. Before Marc Bolan died, T. Rex was actually a serious competitor of David Bowie’s (and probably the reason for Bowie’s many ch-ch-changes in the 1970s — T. Rex was glam). I think their music is infectious. I disocovered in high school after reading a book about classic rock history. I was intrigued enough by what I read there to purchase a cassette tape of an album that must not be in print anymore, because I can’t find it on Amazon. It was a best of compilation. This song originally appeared on Electric Warrior, which came out the very month I was born — September 1971.
  5. “Maggie May” — Rod Stewart. From 1971’s Every Picture Tells a Story. Michael Ruby at Amazon calls it his “desert island disc,” adding “Rod Stewart made such a perfect record with this 1971 classic that he never really recovered.” I agree totally. Yet another Amazon.com Essential Recording. There seems to be a pattern here.
  6. “Ten Years Gone” — Led Zeppelin. A “deep cut” from 1975’s Physical Graffiti, which many Zeppelin fans (myself among them) count as their favorite album by the group. Led Zeppelin is my favorite band, and they have so many excellent songs, but this one has always resonated with me. I think it’s because Jimmy Page makes his guitar weep right along with Robert Plant’s plaintive voice. And yes, it’s an Essential Recording. How’d you guess?
  7. “Sara” — Fleetwood Mac. Before we go on, yes, 1979’s Tusk is an Essential Recording. I named my daughter for this song, though I like the spelling of “Sarah” with the “h” better, so I used that one. If that isn’t a recommendation, I’m not sure what is.
  8. “Bell Bottom Blues” — Eric Clapton (Derek and the Dominoes). Layla and Other Assorted Love Songs. Obviously an Essential Recording (probably Clapton’s most essential, in my opinion). This song is often overshadowed by the epic “Layla,” but it’s just as good, with bluesy guitar and sung with great emotion.
  9. “Tiny Dancer” — Elton John. From 1971’s Madman Across the Water (yet another Essential Recording). Dave Grohl (Nirvana, Foo Fighters) loves this song. He has performed this show on television, introducing it with the following: “Tiny Dancer…..two words that strike a chord in the heart of every sensitive 32 year old man in the country.” That is something else, isn’t it? Anyway, it was featured in Almost Famous. I’ve noticed a lot of these songs were released in the year of my birth. Hmm.
  10. “American Pie” — Don McLean. From 1971’s American Pie. Poor Don McLean. Did he do any other songs? Seriously, a classic like this overshadows everything else he’s done. I cannot listen to this song without singing it at the top of my lungs. It’s a pity Madonna butchered in with a cover and it became (however nebulously) associated with that film of the same name.
  11. “Captain Jack” — Billy Joel. If you are my age or younger, you grew up with a Billy Joel who was basically just a pop hit factory. In the 1973, when Piano Man was released, Billy Joel was as poetic as Simon and Garfunkel, in my opinion. A damned fine song writer. I can listen to this song over and over. Who doesn’t remember being in high school and wishing they could get out that one-horse town? This is another song that gets overshadowed by a bigger hit on the same album — “Piano Man.” And yes, an Essential Recording.
  12. “Blue Sky” — The Allman Brothers Band. It’s a crime what the Allman Brothers did to Dickey Betts a few years ago. Setting that aside, this tune is performed by Betts on 1972’s Eat a Peach (an Essential Recording). You know, I heard a story that the title of the album came from the circumstances that surrounded Duane Allman’s death. He died in a motorcycle accident while they were recording this album. I heard he hit a peach truck — hence the title, Eat a Peach.

We went to see Shrek 2. It was wonderful. Antonio Banderas as Puss in Boots (one of my all-time favorite fairy tale characters). We must get the DVD as soon as it comes out. Lots of laughs. Very cute movie.

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No Server Space

Posted on by Dana

I had to take one of my songs off my radio blog. I am now out of server space! Situation critical! Hopefully, I’ll be able to buy some later today, thanks to Uncle Sam’s nice IRS check, but my e-mail is down right now, and that’s where I need to go to access information to purchase said server space. My server gives me unlimited cosmic bandwidth with itty bitty living space.

More later.

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The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood

Posted on by Dana

I finished Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood by Rebecca Wells this evening. It was a good read, if not a fantastic one. I felt that the narrative had some holes in it. Threads were taken up, dropped, and not mentioned again. The writer hinted, but not strongly enough, that Connor looked like Jack Whitman. I suppose by extension that means that Sidda will have the life-long love her mother missed? I wasn’t always happy with the poetic way the characters thought. It didn’t seem natural to me. An example: “Okay,” Vivi said, and sank down into the massage table. This table, she told herself, is held up by the floor, which is held up by the building, which is sunk deep into the earth, which is my home” (Chapter 22, p. 242). Maybe I’m too prosaic, but I don’t think like that. Sure, use poetry in description, but in the way characters think? It struck me as false. This seemed to be Wells’ favorite way of ending a chapter, by the way. I didn’t feel fulfilled by the ending, and I can’t put my finger on why.

I loved the Ya-Yas. After reading the book, I wished desperately for friends like that. I don’t have any close friends. I did as a child, but I moved. Moving makes you lose friends, I think. It’s just too hard to keep up, especially when the other party won’t work at it, too. I’ve been on both sides of that fence. My moving around so much cost me a great deal. My life would be so different. But then, who is to say that would mean it would be better?

I can remember having girlfriends. I can remember sleeping in Rebecca’s bed, so high off the floor that I had to climb into it. I can remember looking up into the eyes of James Dean on the wall behind her bed. Then she dropped me right before my wedding, and I had to scramble to find a bridesmaid at the last minute who could wear the dress my grandmother made to fit Rebecca.

Darcy and I were sisters. We stayed at each other’s houses. We shared things. I thought we’d always be best friends. I have not had another friendship like the one I shared with her. We loved each other. I moved, and she wrote me back only a handful of times over the 18 years that has passed since then.

Cheryl and I were friends my senior year in high school. We just decided we’d be best friends, and that was that. We rode around in cars with other friends, like Stephanie and Mary Jo, and we laughed.

Jenni has perhaps been the best correspondent of all of my friends. We have become closer in our absence from each other than we were when we lived in the same neighborhood and went to school together. Jenni is my anchor to my home.

But I don’t have friends like the Ya-Yas. And it makes me sad to realize, truthfully, that I never will. Maybe most people don’t, which is why this book resonates with people so strongly. It was one of the things that people liked about Friends, I think. There is this group of people, and they all love each other and would do anything for each other. They’re like family. But they’re not blood relations. They’re just friends. Reading this book and watching the Friends finale repeat last night (I didn’t catch it last week) made me realize I have friend-shaped holes in my heart. You can live with friend-shaped holes. You can even be happy. But the holes are still there, and you aren’t quite complete.

I will be releasing this book, but I am trying to see if anyone who has it on their BookCrossing Wish List wants my copy before I just cut it loose in the wild.

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I Guess I Can Talk About It Now

Posted on by Dana

Well, now that I’m over the utter shock of having a job offered to me only to have it snatched away with no explanation aside from “We have re-evaluated our needs and the position is no longer available,” I guess I can write about it.

Thanks to friends, Dana, Andrena, and Mysie for their well-wishes.

I e-mailed the lady who was to be my department head. She had not heard the news yet, and she said she was in shock and felt badly for me. She added that she knew I must be heartsick. I am. That job would have been the culmination of things I’ve dreamed of in a teaching job since I was in college. To be handed that dream and have it yanked away hurts.

I don’t know why it happened. Of course, I’m obsessing over it. I want desperately for it to be something that I had no control over, something that wasn’t my fault. But I have OCD, so I’ve been blaming myself. It must be something about me — what, I haven’t a clue — but something that wasn’t good enough.

I stayed home from work today. Not because of this news. Steve’s cousin died, and he drove up to Nashville for the funeral. I was going to go, but we decided it wasn’t practical to haul the children up there when we have only a little money to get by on until payday. So he took the car. I can only think it was a relief I didn’t have to go to work. To face the people who all think I have this great job lined up after I leave this year. I can’t bear to tell them and hear the inevitable questions, the expressions of sympathy. I just want to crawl in bed with my children, Steve, and the various books laying around and stay there.

Panic made me send out about 10 résumés last night. I have had some response from about three of them. I have an interview scheduled with a small, private Jewish school. That makes me feel odd. I know more about Judaism that your average recovering Southern Baptist, but do I know enough for something like that? It might be a very good experience for me, should I get the job. But after the loss of the one I really wanted, I can’t get very excited yet. I guess that will take some time.

The county where I worked my first year teaching is looking for a teacher. It’s a rural county in Middle Georgia. The school, when I left it, was rife with gangs, disrespect, lack of discipline, and no access to materials. It was a mess. I know things have changed since then. Well, somewhat. They have a new principal. It’s too far away for me to really consider it. But I do consider it. I hated that job, but I tell myself I’m tougher now. I could do it now. And things are somewhat different there. Sending them my résumé will have to be a last resort. But I’m sure once they see themselves on it and remember me, I’d have that job back. I can’t let myself go there. I can’t let myself get that desperate with worry.

Worry. My comfortable old friend that I can wrap myself in to keep from living. My old enemy that has stolen all the happiness I could have had in my life and made me weak. It makes my brain numb through the sheer workout it gives those poor neurotransmitters. I have a picture of a person’s brain on OCD posted on my OCD page. (Still moving those files over to the PlanetHuff site). It looks like the frontal lobe is on fire. Is that why I get so many headaches, I wonder? My brain is burning with worry.

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I Have the Worst News

Posted on by Dana

I suppose I should thank God I am still alive. Steve’s cousin died. They say where there is life there is hope.

I don’t know why, but the job I thought I had has fallen through. The principal called and told me so tonight. I was stunned. I expected to hear perhaps I needed to come in and sign a contract. I didn’t expect the whole thing to be pulled out from under my feet.

I wanted this so badly, and I don’t understand what happened.

I feel so much anger. At this point, the jobs are dwindling. I am very scared I won’t find one. What on earth am I going to do? I have three children and a husband to support. I am, after all, the main breadwinner. We need medical insurance.

I have dissolved into tears. Depression. I don’t know what I will do. All I want is for all of this new worry to disappear.

Why did this happen?

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Loreena McKennitt Sampler

Posted on by Dana

I haven’t written in something like a week. I need to make more time for getting my thoughts down.

I have changed the radio blog. Unfortunately, until the end of the month when I hope to buy more server space, I only had room for these four songs. I like to have at least five.

Loreena McKennitt is an artist I associate with Renaissance Faires, new age Celtic music, nature religions, and fantasy literature. She was a strong influence on my own book.

The first track, “Mystic’s Dream,” comes from McKennitt’s 1994 album The Mask and Mirror. It also appeared on the soundtrack to the TNT production of Marion Zimmer Bradley’s The Mists of Avalon.

“The Mummer’s Dance” is from 1997’s The Book of Secrets.

The traditional song “Greensleeves” and “All Soul’s Night” are from 1992’s The Visit.

I hope you enjoy them.

Oh, and those of you visiting me from my Upsaid diary need to change your bookmarks/blogrolls soon. On May 28, my Upsaid premium membership will expire, and I plan to update only my planethuff.com blog from that point on.

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New School Stuff

Posted on by Dana

I found out this morning I can’t go to some textbook training being offered by my new school system. It conflicts with post-planning in my current system. That bites. But I am familiar with the textbooks we’re using, having used them before in other places.

It looks like I will be teaching British Literature (yay! for the first time), World Literature (which is cool as well, because even if I’m not familiar with most of the selections, I get to teach part of The Niebelungenlied, Chrétien de Troyes, and Marie de France. I had no hope of ever touching that stuff unless I taught college, but my school is offering World Literature to non-collegebound seniors, so lucky me! In the British Lit., it looks like I get to cover Beowulf, Canterbury Tales, Macbeth, a Victorian novel (I assume there are several selections there), and James Joyce. The World Lit. includes selections like the ones I mentioned, plus A Doll’s House, The Metamorphosis, and Othello. I’ve got some reading to do this summer. Aside from those two courses, I will be teaching 9th grade, which is familiar turf, as I taught 9th grade every year I taught high school. I will be teaching Romeo and Juliet and The Odyssey (for those of you who don’t remember 9th grade), among some other things. I’m not sure what novel selections are available for ninth graders.

I’ve been spending some time downloading lesson ideas. The Folger Shakespeare Library has a ton of good stuff. I added their Shakespeare Set Free series to my Amazon Wish List. I used to own the two that had Romeo and Juliet/A Midsummer Night’s Dream and Othello in them. I loaned them both to other teachers and never got them back. Sigh.

I also found out (in an oblique fashion) that I will have a laptop provided for my use. My department head said I wouldn’t be able to check it out until pre-planning, which would mean I’d have had to spend the textbook training sessions peeking over someone else’s shoulder. W00t! (As the classy ladies say.) You know how much easier that’s going to make my job? And just so we’re all clear on this — it’s my work computer, so no one’s using it but me.

I finally found the high school. I couldn’t see it very well, because it’s still under construction, so the entrance was gated, but it looked HUGE. And it’s right next to a Kids R Kids, which is the day care chain that Dylan and Maggie already go to. Serendipity! The elementary school Sarah would go to is right down the same road, and so is the middle school. She was very excited about that. She was telling Steve all about it. She said the school was really nice (which it is), and she was very animated as she described the close proximity of all the schools and the day care center.

Colonial House premieres on Monday, May 17 here in Georgia. Find out when you can see it where you live. If it’s anything as good as Frontier House, you don’t want to miss it. In this day when Reality TV is all the rage, why not watch some Reality TV that will teach you something? Living history is incredible. There was a program that did an Anglo-Saxon village, but I don’t know what it was called. I liked it. I’d like to see them do Medieval House; however, despite my interest in the Middle Ages, I would not be volunteering to participate (much as I’d be tempted). I’m too soft to live the way those hardy folks had to live.

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I Got It!

Posted on by Dana

I have officially been offered the job I really wanted at the brand new high school opening this fall. I talked to the principal — who has a Master’s from Harvard and a doctorate from Nova — just a little while ago. I spoke with the lady who will be my department head last night. Earlier in the day, I had sent her an e-mail just touching base (and hinting that I might have other offers). She tried very hard to reach me, ultimately telling me I could call her as late as midnight. It very nearly was before I reached her! She told me I had great recommendations from my references. I was so pleased. I am just so excited I can hardly stand it. I couldn’t fall asleep despite being exhausted last night.

Before I found out I had it, I went to a church, knelt on the steps in front of the large wooden double doors, and prayed. I can’t recall ever doing that before.

I am still finishing up Holy Blood, Holy Grail. I can’t figure out why the authors felt they needed to deny Jesus died during His crucifixion in order to prove their thesis that Mary Magdalene was the Holy Grail. They can deny His divinity without having to deny the crucifixion killed Him. I just felt that argument was wildly stupid. And they show themselves to be no biblical scholars, that’s for sure. By the way, I figured out another thing Dan Brown did. The character Leigh Teabing’s name is derived from one of the authors of Holy Blood, Holy Grail, Richard Leigh. That’s pretty straightforward and obvious. But I looked again at the last name, Teabing. It’s not a name I’ve ever heard, and I was sure it was made up. It was. It’s an anagram of “Baigent” — as in Michael Baigent, another of the authors of Holy Blood, Holy Grail.

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